"In the Name of Hope."

Så... der var en der skrev til mig på formspring, hvornår jeg ville opdatere. Jeg havde sagt efter nytår at der ville komme mange opdateringer, og det er da egentligt også rigtigt. Nu er klokken næsten et, og jeg skal op halv seks, så ved ikke, hvor mange jeg har lyst til at lægge ind nu, men har omkring en milliard skriverier, da jeg hele tiden finder på nye ting, og skriver videre på gamle. Jeg lægger dog kun nye ind lige nu, da jeg for at lægge gamle ind, skal kunne overskue, præcis hvad jeg har lagt ind, og det gider jeg ikke så sent om aftenen >< Det må vente.

Intro

My name is Amy, and I am in the Land of the Death, but I am not dead. At least I don’t think I am. I am not. I am still breathing; I can still feel the blood float through my veins. What a weird thing to write, when I’m sitting here for myself. Right now I’m alone.

I’m not crazy. I don’t think I am. But hey – I don’t think I’m dead either, even though I for sure know that I am in the land of the death, so who knows? Maybe this is all a dream. I’ve gone to la-la land, and is currently sitting in a chair, and telling a doctor about my little tea visit to the House of the Dead.

Or maybe I am just dead, and I don’t want to realize it yet. Maybe the blood I can feel in my veins isn’t real. Maybe I’m only breathing because my body thinks it needs it, but it doesn’t.

Maybe I’m asleep.

Like hell I am. How ironic. Okay, I don’t think I’m in hell. I am not in hell. I’m just in the Land of the Death. I think there’s a big difference, but it’s all really hard to understand. It’s not like I understand anything happening around me – I just go along with the flow. What other choice do I have?

Okay, I’m sounding confusing, even to myself.

I’m not dead. That’s a fact, I think. I’m breathing, pinching my arm hurts, banging my head against the wall hurts, and basically I feel very much alive. On the other hand I’ve never tried being dead, so it’s not like I’ve got something to compare it to, but let’s just say for now that I’m not dead. Because I don’t want to be dead. I want to be alive.

I am in the Land of the Death. Or else I’m crazy. Either way, I don’t think this is hell. I don’t know if I believe in hell anymore. I don’t know if I ever really did. But anyway – I’m not in hell. I’m still on earth. I never went inside of the earth, or to some other dimension, or anything surrealistic like that. I just… well, it’s a long story.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen from here on. I don’t know if anybody knows I’m here – Tina, Mercedes, Adam, Jeffrey, Malory? But there’s a small chance that one – just one of them knows anything. And I will keep on to that thought. Because if I don’t, I will for sure die. And I don’t want to die. I want to live. I want to believe in hope. Because, after all, I Am Hope.